Recently in On The Rag Category

This Shelby is a close sibling to the Edith from 3 years ago (wow, has it been that long?) but it did not make me jump up the way the Edith did when I first saw it. The Edith had a school girl charm that I loved and this is really briefcase-y.  The blue is definitely much better than the brown but still the long brass plaque on the top and those double straps does something to make this bag seem so dowdy.  Something about this is making it look very forced, like it is trying too hard to be different and edgy.  Obviously, Chloe is suffering without a clear direction from a real designer and the mosaic rehashing of old designs is boring.  I can still see a young hip chick rock out with a bohemian jeans and slouchy sweater look but seriously, if you're that cool, you will make anything look good.  For me, it is a thumbs down.  The Chloe Shelby Tote at Luisa Via Roma for $1400.  (Jump to see the train wreck who has this bag!)

I keep saying I'm excited that the 80's are back but only if updated with a 2009 aesthetic (because really, it was the most hideous decade of all). Most designers are taking inspiration from the 80's, not trying to replicate the 80's. The designers at Pauric Sweeney, however, were too lazy to modernize or update-- they're just partying like it's 1985. Which means hideous patchwork in various offensive shades of animal print that resemble those awful leather earrings people were nuts about-- on nylon no less. I'm mostly shocked about the price though. Who has the audacity to charge over a thousand dollars for a bunch of scrap leather on nylon? The only person this bag is appropriate for is my 4 year old niece; but she's quite the little bag snob and I have a feeling even she would refuse, unless it was filled with lollipops. PAURIC SWEENEY - PADDED PATCHWORK TOP HANDLE € 810.00/ $1,032 with free shipping (because they're just begging you to take it) at Luisa Via Roma.

I am showing my age but lately I can't stand looking at sloppy people. Take some pride in yourselves! I'm not talking about being perfectly groomed, but is it too much to ask you to tuck in your underwear(or plumber's crack), wash your hair, take a shower and be presentable? I am also a stickler for good posture, I know I am turning into a grouchy 90 year old but it drives me nuts to see people slouching! I want to slap their backs, pull down their shoulders and raise their heads, you know-- pilates stance. Now once in while I'll get into a slouchy bag if it has good form and shape but the Marni above has neither. See last Friday's post of Halston bag for example of a good slouch. This, this is bad slouch-- not to mention inconvenient slouch. The opening is so tiny that you'll barely be able to reach in to grab stuff and you can forget about using a large wallet. All that ruching and slouchiness is such a waste of leather! Remove all that and you'll have a simple round hobo. $1,795 at Net-a-porter.com

I doubt Ibiza was the inspiration for the Ibiza bag from Thomas Wylde (trust me, my girlfriend lives in Ibiza and no one dresses like this. The Stockyards of Fort Worth Texas, however, is a different story). There is so much craziness with the long fringes, dangling beads, pewter hardware, skull embellishment that you forget it's a bag. Apparently Thomas Wylde forgot, too, because the actual bag part is practically non-existent. So, let's not even call this a bag. Let's just call it "Thomas Wylde Texan Arts and Crafts project" for $2,200 at Net-a-porter.com

I understand the need to be creative and I certainly appreciate it when designers go out on a limb to make something really unique for our enjoyment. But sometimes things are better left in its conceptualization stage. Like this Snake print (is it pleather?) bag from Miu Miu. We generally go ga ga for Miu Miu but we have no love for this strange red and black geometric (Chinese Checkers anyone?) print bag. It's just so busy and the colors so loud that I feel overstimulated looking at it (I never knew that word existed until I had a baby.  Suddenly, everything is an over stimulation risk!).   I am also fixated on the pattern of the checkers and am convinced Miuccia placed a code there. If you stare at it long enough, you might be able to crack the code, or get really dizzy.  Try it, and tell me what you think.

 Miu Miu Geometric Snake Print Bag- $1,150 at Net-a-porter.com

I guess I spoke too soon when I made fun of Fergie's bandana bags because apparently she is a trail blazer on this bandana trend. And Chloe Sevigny, she must be ecstatic that she is finally on trend. I picked out the perfect dress for her from Luella, the Bandana Dress, it is the perfect length to go with cowboy boots. My beloved Givenchy Sacca tote unfortunately comes in a perforated version with the bandana design seared into the bag. There is also a black that is more subtle but still, who needs it? But worse is the Chanel with actual bandana fabric! And if you think this is a one time errant shot from Chanel, you will be horrified to know that this is a part of a large bandana collection that will be coming out for Summer. If you like bandanas, which some might and is fine, get your fix at the Levi's outlet - $10 will buy you a dozen. Hang it around the house or use it as a bed spread, that should take care of any cravings, just don't let it spill over to your bag collection. The snobs have spoken, say banda-no to bandana! Givenchy Perforated Sacca Hobo at Luisaviaroma for $1225. Large Chanel Tote from the Bandana Collection, no release date yet but I'm not holding my breath, $1625.

I walked by the Fendi section at Neiman Marcus the other day and saw these bags in multiple sizes. I didn't even blink. This is, after all, Fendi-- and I have come to expect no less than absolutely atrocious and hideous bags from the line.  I barely flinched as I examined the bags and tossed them back on to the display shelves where they will certainly stay until Last Call. 

I'm almost thinking that this is a licensing deal with Crayola; you know, as in you provide the crayons, we'll color it in.  Fendi Forever bag at Saks.com $895

For your entertainment-- here is another ridiculous bag from Fendi that I found on a Chinese blog.  Apparently Fendi is in an arts and crafts mood for 2009.  At Fendi boutiques worldwide.  Jump to see enlarged photo.

 

 

 

Are there Rodeo Clowns in Utopia?  I heard Rodeo girls now do a western rendition of the Can Can-- perhaps after a few rounds of lap dancing, the bag was conceived.  I adore Roberto Cavalli's sexy hot gowns but who is advising him on the bag line?  Roberto, Caro Mio-- let me help you.  Please, I offer my services-- free.  Okay, so I really just want to party on your big yacht but we can have a bottle of bubbly or two and figure out a nice bag that all your chic friends will want to carry-- not just Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana, a 16 year old with an identity crisis.  Cavalli bags at Net-a-porter.com at Net-a-porter.com

What do you think of Roberto Cavalli's Utopia?  (jump for more photos!)

I heard a very disturbing retail nightmare from our good friend, Florence the Shoe Goddess the other day. She ordered the Cupcake clutch (of SATC infamy) on a whim from Navin at the Judith Leiber flagship boutique on Madison. She was told it would not be delivered until late Feb and was asked to give her credit card number to hold the bag. She got her credit card bill this week and saw that she was charged for the full amount of the clutch of $4,689.84. She came to her senses and realized that a small cupcake should not cost four figures and called Navin to cancel the order and asked for a refund. He curtly and rudely informed her that all sales are final and she could not receive a refund. Uh, Navin? We looked it up in our dictionary and the definition of a "sale" is-- Sale: (noun) transfer of property for money or credit. (jump for more nightmare!)

Why does Givenchy have to ruin their perfect lineup with this thing? I am on the cusp of jumping on the Sacca tote bandwagon when I happened upon this gag mustache bag. Just for a moment think how debilitating your day will be with this one your shoulder. You can't go eat, you will swipe everyone's plate on your way to your table. You can't get on an escalator if you want to keep your arm. For that matter, you better stay away from elevators as well. You can't be near kids, those fringes are way too tempting. Cabs? Forget about it, there is no way you have enough time to gather all the strips in before the cabbie takes off. Stay away from parking lots, you will leave cars spotless behind you but those car wash chamois bristles on the bag will need a cleaning of its own. If you move around too fast, you will whip everyone in sight. As an evening bag, you will clean up everyone's drinks. And then of course there will be the pointing and laughing. If you're going there, you should probably get the Tina Turner Louboutin fringe boots to go with. Givenchy Evening Mini Fringe Bag at Barneys New York for $1575.