Recently in On The Rag Category

Poor Minnie Mouse, her bow was stolen to make this clutch. And what a shame too because it is a sad excuse for a clutch at that. Other than looking like a ridiculous cartoon character, how the heck do you use this thing? Unless you just need to carry scarves with you, what can you possibly fit in there that can crumple in half like that? To make matters worse, I don't think the center of the bow unravels so you have to get the zipper to unzip under it. And if you think there is some saving grace to this bag, there is not - to add insult to injury, this comes with a shoulder strap so you can really look like a 3 year old with a toy but you pay full adult price at $1095. I truly cannot believe this has a Valentino label on it, it is not only ill-conceived, it is poorly made. It looks like the result of fidgety hands while on a shrinks couch. At Neiman Marcus.

No brand can be perfect all the time, and we don't expect them to be. But we don't expect them to go nuts and turn out bags that make our stomachs churn, either. We have often professed our love of Miu Miu, from clothes, shoes to bags, we can't seem to get enough. Until today, that is. The nappa patchwork bags from Miu Miu look like they have a bad case of the bag shingles. Besides the obvious (being that the bag was thrown together using left over scraps from all the actually cute Miu Miu bags), the scaly pieces of leather look scary and diseased to me. I feel like I am going to throw up now cuz I've been staring at it for so long. Must think happy bag thoughts, happy bag thoughts, on my way to airport now. Talk to you lovelies when I'm abroad. xo Miu Miu nappa patchwork bags, $1,240 at Saks.com

Looks like Valentino hired a new bag designer, Charo. Who else would come up with this ridiculous bag? As if appliques on bags aren't bad enough, they've upped the ante by making the bag itself one giant floral applique. And of course it is red so that no one will be able to overlook you major misstep in judgment. You know, the Valentino Histoire bag is ok, I personally don't like it but at least it has a look to it and definitely went through some sort of thought out design process, but honestly the rest of the Valentino bag collection has just been about over embellishing...with floral appliques and the occasional monstrous bow. Perhaps there are those women who love the Valentino name and will buy it just because, but if they really want to get a handle on the bag market and appeal to actual bag lovers, they need to stop making corsages. At Bergdorf Goodman for $2495, pre-order.

Rosier Tote $1950; Jardin Rose Framed Duffel $2395

We're always reading about must have bags in magazines but how about showing what we "must not waste our money on"? Especially anything remotely resembling a maltese, 60s go go boots, or all of the above. Look at that thing! It even has a gold collar attached so you know someone in the design room thought the same. Roberto Cavalli Fringed bracelet frame bag $1,565 at Net a Porter
And the frizzy clutch, what was that inspired by? Let me guess, a hula dancer got a bit close to a tikki hut during a performance and bingo- The King of tacky glamour was inspired. I can't even imagine holding that thing in my hands. I'm itchy just thinking about it.
Roberto Cavalli Fringed clutch $1,525 at Net a Porter

I am feeling completely uninspired by the bags I am seeing tonight. I mean, just take a look at the bag?/coffee mug?/ceramic art? thing from Jean Paul Gaultier above. I don't even know what it's supposed to be, a mermaid reclining on a rock while a giant octopus sneaks up to devour her? It's so weird and seems like a random image from one of his nightmares. Which would actually be cool, but not at $1,295 (for less than that you can get a gorgeous Bottega knot clutch!). I know this one is headed for the 75% off discount bin; at which time some of you may want to grab it-- just for its queerness and conversational value at parties. I find it bizarre that JPG-- whose ready to wear, shoes and Haute Couture that I adore, can not translate his brilliance into his handbags (even his JPG birkin was a miss, it's been discontinued. But I do love the Lindy). Which tells me bags are really hard to design and we should probably abandon our own pipe dreams of a bag line one day. But enough of me, what do you think? Snob or Slob? Jean Paul Gaultier at  at eLUXURY

I am still in vacation mode, so when I saw this bag I thought, "wow--how perfect for the hot weather!" Cork is a very interesting material for bags, and we have seen it used more and more. Apparently cork supply is shrinking, (have you noticed a lot of wines now use that plastic cork or screw top?) and it has made the price sky rocket because this bag with just a little bit of croc trim is $2,700! What up?? I mean, an entire croc bag from Nancy Gonzalez is just around $3,000. And I wonder about the durability of cork. It always ends up in my wine, and I imagine that after years of use, this bag will have crumbled away leaving you with just the handles. Then, maybe you can sew canvas to it and fashion yourself a new bag. OK, I'm just rambling. The final verdict: cool for a few minutes, but in the end, this bag is ridiculously priced and probably will not hold up, trend-wise or in its integrity. At Vivre for $2,700.

No, Bag Snob has not been abducted by aliens, although all trim and detail point to extraterrestrial life! Don't those peacock spots look like alien googly eyes? They actually pop out at you! And the rest of the bag with all the circles make the bag look diseased. I imagine the balls would poke at your sides--hopefully you're not ticklish. On top of that, the leather looks tough and has a bit of a cowboy feel to it. This is an amazingly spectacular specimen of a bag. I mean, how ridiculous are designers getting? I know bags now are a symbol of individuality, but what does this say about you? Well, Patricia Fields would love this bag because it is so awful and strange. We saw her in NY, and I was really scared. I would never let someone who looks like that dress me. (Will it show up on Sex and the City? By the way, I have been invited to the premier and the after party. I'll be there if I can motivate myself to fly to NYC 2 weeks in a row. I even have a press spot on the red carpet.) This bag actually gave me much joy and excitement. As soon as I saw it, I was like, "Oh, I am going to have a field day with this one!" So for that, this is an awesome bag!! =) At Browns Fashion for $2,680. Yeah, that's the other thing--hello!! Who will pay that for a wacky party favor?

I love the whimsy of Marni as much as anyone. Those adorable kelly green patent totes? Funky and chic! The balloon bag that set off a thousand imitators? Fabulous! But this, I don't get. Inspired by Esther William's swim cap, it looks like it was made by a three year old on arts and crafts day. Seriously now, a thousand bucks for dozens of pieces of hearts made of cheap fabric stuck on a canvas bag? Charo would love it, or a 12 year old. Those of us in between should stay away unless going to a Halloween costume party. I guess some of you will argue it is artsy and could work with a simple black dress, but it is still, way overpriced and why go there at all when there are so many other great bags to be had? Marni Ruffled Hearts Bag $970 at Net a Porter. What do you guys think? Snob or Slob?

Oh the line between love and hate is truly very very thin. My love for YSL just suddenly got crushed when I got a glimpse of what's to come for Fall 2008. This "32" bag is good practical bag, it is 12" x 12" and has 5 interior compartments! Great! Too bad it has been badly scarred. The "Y" design on the bag looks like branding. Yes, we know leather comes from cows but do you really need to be that obtuse about it? How terrible! It is especially odd because the 3 lines of the Y just kind of sits there randomly. Even without the scarring, the bag is a boring ole bowler style. When I said I wanted excitement, I didn't mean the tortured kind. It is seen here with croco embossed nubuck in English Pink (ok, fine, the color is delightful) for $1995. It will also be available in black and brown super supple soft leather for $1895 and an ostrich for $5495 in a beige-y color called "Pear". I am sure this will be a huge seller for them because of non-logo logo and because this bag is so easy to use. You will see it a few times and get used to it but keep in mind how you first felt about it when you saw it. I know I will even if they make it in some to die for color I can't live without. Just in case though, I better make a note because I do get weak when it comes to YSL.

Top: Felix Rey Allison, $220; Badgley Mischka Saffron Mesh Clutch, $795
Bottom: Laura B Mesh, $822; Maison Martin Margiela Brass Mesh, $1055

We are not behind every trend but this one has really baffled me as to why it is even exists; for some strange reason there is a predominance of a highly impractical material for bags, mesh or chain mail. My stuff by itself is heavy enough, I do not need to be weighed down even more with a bag made out of steel. I mean, if you need to fend off sharks, get a lawyer. I have seen chain mail used a lot actually, I had dinner at Craft (love Tom Collichio, but of course Rocco Dispirito is my boyfriend, so cute!!) and the interior was done with chain mail curtains. It was really amazing and I can appreciate chain mail curtains because it will not cause severe deformity to my back. I will also admit, it has an interesting look and the draping is very dramatic and it makes that really cool swooshing sound. But for bags, it just does not make sense. Like the Maison Martin Margiela bags (I feel bad for making fun of his bags but how does one go from designing classic Hermes to bunchy saggy sacks?). I will say that other than the weight factor, the Margiela mesh bag is adoring to the eye, if I can just pretend for a moment that the alluring slack of the mesh is not due to its heft. It is so simple and I love the use of cream with the silver mesh, and it's the mesh that gives it the edge. I guess you call this a fashion catch 22. I can't say anything upbeat on the other mesh bags here though. A farmer's market sack in mesh is hardly inspiring and the Felix Rey chain shoulder bag just looks trashy (it comes in black and red, double and triple trashy, respectively). OK, I already changed my mind, I will say something nice about the Badgley Mischka evening bag, at least it is small so it won't cause a rotator cuff injury.