By Bag Snob Tina

October 24, 2008

I am not going to bore you with an in depth coverage of the conference. If you want to watch the speeches, go to the Women’s Conference website, and I encourage you to do so, it will make you feel really good! There are a few anecdotes I’d like to share with you that I feel they are worthwhile. Like the deeply personal speech given by Maria Shriver. It was moving because she showed us a side of her that we can all connect with, the scared and insecure little girl that we all cling to and still struggle to get away from. She talked about her fears and how it paralyzed her life so for long. It means something coming from a strong woman like her because we all feel like but we say things like, “If I were like so-and-so (i.e. Maria Shriver) I would have more courage and more strength”. She is after-all a Kennedy (she is JFK’s niece). She is an accomplished journalist and is the First Lady of California. She should not have these feelings of fear and inadequacies. Well, she is human and that was the point of it all. But her way of getting through it was to face her fears. I know, easier said than done. Her mother is old and in poor health and she is faced with the real possibility of losing her. Instead of living in denial, she confronts this reality and in the ultimate act of acquiescence to the situation, she poured out her soul. For the first time in her life, at 52 years old, she climbed in to bed, lied next to her dying mother and just cried. I was there with 14,000 who cried during that speech and I will remember that when I need the strength.

Indra Nooyi with Maria Shriver

On a slightly lighter note, the other speaker that I will always remember is Indra Nooyi, the CEO and Chairman of PepsiCo. Her story is amazing, she came to the US from India with nothing but her wits. For her first job interview, she only had $50 to buy a suit so she went to K-Mart and ended up with pants that were too short and a jacket that was too big. She showed up to the interview “looking like a freak”, as she described it. She asked her college adviser why everyone was staring at her so strangely and her adviser asked her, “What would you wear to a job interview if you were in India?” and Indra replied, “I would wear a sari.” The next piece of advise stayed with Indra until now, her adviser said, “Be yourself and wear the sari. If they don’t hire you with a sari on then they don’t deserve you.” She talked about the glass ceiling (which she has obviously broken and on her own terms) but said it is other women who has to help women break the glass and not men. She used an example of a board meeting run by a man. If he had a bad meeting, his buddy will pull him aside later that day, either in the bathroom, over drinks or whatever and say, you know what, you didn’t do that well in there today. This type of comment is appreciated and taken for what it is. Women do not do this, and if they do, it is not well received. For women, there is no “locker room talk” because women are harder on each other, there is always that competitiveness.

I mentioned Michael J. Fox’s remark that having Parkinsons is a gift. He deals with his illness with a sense of humor and lack of self consciousness that is tangible. He has had loving people at his side through it all and you can tell. At one point during the conversation with Deborah Norville (who moderated this conversation with Russell Simmons and Laird Hamilton), he picked up a bottle of water and without attempting to open it handed it to Deborah’s open hand, all the while continuing to talk without skipping a beat. He said that it is important to experience your loss, stick it out and see where it brings you. For him, it has brought the Michael J. Fox Foundation which has raised $126 million dollars since 1997 for Parkinsons research. “There is a limit to what can be taken away from me but there is no limit to what can be given, it is infinite”. As he sits there noticeably shaking, I stopped noticing it and just listened to him speak but was still struck by his words when he said, “Life is a great ride and there is no better deal.”

Maris Shriver with Betty Chinn

I want to share one last story because it really shows what one person can do and this one person in particular has enough spirit for all of us. Betty Chinn was 8 years old during the Cultural Revolution in China, her mother was a doctor and he father a dentist so they were both killed, as was her brother. She was forced to wear a sign reading, “Child of the Devil” and left on the streets to fend for herself. Because of her stigma, people were not allowed to talk to her, much less help her so she was left to starve in total isolation. She said she was literally paralyzed from starvation, she couldn’t lift her arms because it hurt too much. She somehow survived and move to Eureka, California. Once there, she was shocked to find that there were homeless people in her town. She not only understood their plight, she saw herself in them – they are treated like they do not exist and are left alone in their own silent hell. She began to make sandwiches and coffee to bring to as many as she could. She does not judge or lecture, what she gives is love, comfort and basic humanity. When others heard what she was doing, they began to help her make sandwiches and eventually her operations took over a church kitchen to accommodate for her expanded efforts. She now has volunteers and a food truck that she uses to make two food drops a day. She is the recipient of the Minerva Award and with this award came a check for $25,000 to help her continue the work she has done for the past 20 years. Gloria Steinam remarked that the last step in healing is using the strength from that pain to help others. She summed it up by saying that as women we have to be there for each other for the “chills, tears, laughter and togetherness”. In a small way, our tiny little blog hopefully contributes to this bond we all have.