I am pissed that my monthly ritual of indulging in fashion magazines is being ruined. Why is Lindsay Hohan, errr, Lohan, on every freaking cover? I want to rip off her face so that I can actually enjoy my moment of zen and oneness with fashion and print. So to save my inner sanctum and sanity, it gives me great satisfaction to coin the term "The Slut Pack" for 4 ladies of the weak inner thigh muscles. I'm sure no one needs any clarification as to why they are members of the Slut Pack but let us indulge.
Oh, and by the way, we expect to be credited everytime that term is used! So, Tyler Durden, I'm sure I'll be hearing from you.
The Leader of the Pack
Major ho-bag, no further elaborations needed. We decided to keep her off the Shit List because she does have good bags, but now our last vestige of charity and kindness is gone. And besides, we are questioning her choice of personal hygiene here, not choice of bags, so she's on the top of this list.
Lindsay Hohan
She should be so lucky as to lose her virginity to Wilmer Valderrama. She will never have it so good again. She dated Stavros Niarchos, Paris' ex. Having sex with any of Paris' ex is like eating sushi out of a toilet. And after being called a firecrotch, which I didn't think was an insult but whatever, she is now dating Brandon Davis, who is a pig. She will sleep with anyone who talks to her or about her, even if it's to insult her.
Nicole Bitchie
She wanted so badly to be the popular slut instead of the popular slut's best friend that she got her stomach stapled. Yes, this is true, you heard it here (we have a reliable source). How do you think a lifelong chubby chick becomes emaciated so quickly?
Jessica Dumbass Simpson
I know everyone thinks she's all innocent and pure but don't let her stupidity lead you astray. She is slutty, and not just in a country milk maid kind of way. She was cheating on Nick with the gross man-whore Adam Levine and thought she was in love with him. She decides to divorce Nick for him but when Adam finds out she's gone Fatal Attraction on him, he dumps her, telling her, "I only wanted to f#@* you". Another true story. Poor girl, you can't blame her for her naivete, but slutty is still slutty even if you don't know that you're slutty. And now, the virgin bride choir singer is on the cover of Maxim.
There is an illuminating interview with Paris here
http://houseoffame.blogspot.com/
It is always a thrill to see that your Verbal Fashion UZI is firing at full blast!We must point out that "Ho" does infer that one DOES make money for one's work. I'm sure that most of these Tarts are paying out big just for the attention. It might be better to use some of the following terms: Slag, Round Heel, Wobbly-hip-Slut,
Old-Pleasure-Boat-run-aground, Hussy, Harlot, Tramp and Banging-Bolts-Rusty-Thrillride. Just some suggestions sent with love and affection to our most Delicious Snob! XOXO
Speaking of what a dumb bitch she is, i just saw this video with Paris in it. I guess that it’s about Dave Stewart’s (from the Eurythmics) first group in the 70s that never released their album back then, and now there’s a big VH1 special on them.
anyone else heard about this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGvmz32ajao&search=platinum%20weird
Thats why I only read LUCKY. Less media whores and more clothes. And if they manage to ekk their way onto the cover, they get 1-2 pages max.
Loves it.
You crack me up! I love the bag snob.
Could not agree more! I cannot understand why some of the world's most creative and talented designers whore their fashion ideals to the likes of Lindsay Lohan and Jessican Simpson. It's one thing to get celebrity exposure, but quite another to align your brand with a brainless bimbo! These young, dumb girls have become my negative barometer for fashion -- if I can picture them wearing it, then never will it darken my (closet) doorstep!
Amen.I now get gossip off the internet and sneak peaks at fashion rags in the grocery store, embarassed to be seen taking these sluts off the shelf!It's just gross. They all could due with food or sleep or rehab or de-plastic surgery or penicillin or all of the above.
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YOU SAID IT SISTER! In fact, The Bag Snob is poised to become THE fashion magazine of the future. A marketing Guru in New York told us that :)
Thanks for your input. The Bag Snob
Omigod, I'm cracking up! How fun was that!! Moahahahaha!
I think a 2007 update on this topic is needed, featuring a new member: Slutney...err Britney...Spears.