May 2006 Archives

(Clockwise from top left- Magenta tote from Camille Staerk, Celine oversize Croc bag, Chloe oversize tote, Chanel patent leather tote)

We don't care what Vogue, W, or Style.com say, bigger is not better this season, even if you are from Texas. There is never, EVER, a need to carry a bag that can fit you and all of your ex-boyfriends. We are disappointed that editors of our fave magazines would promote these monstrously proportioned bags. And the anorexic models chosen to carry them down the runway, do they not look like they're about to topple over? Why would anyone think carrying a big potato sack around looks good?

Danish designer Camille Staerk said she was inspired by the oversize bags her father used to transport glass dishes and that carrying this huge magenta bag makes her feel safe cuz she can keep the necessities in life with her at all times, like her shoes. Is she a giant? How big are her feet?

The brown crocodile from Celine is a total joke, what are we supposed to do with that? I guess if we get tired from carrying this 100 pound bag we can always crawl in it and take a nap. No big surprise that Celine is owned by LVMH.

As for the patent leather tote from Chanel that is practically scraping the floor... Et tu Chanel? The House of Chanel used to be synonymous with class and beauty but recently images of Lindsay Lohan and her scabby knees come to mind and now this? Stick to Coco's vision Karl! Stay the course! Super-sizing belongs at McDonalds and Roseanne Barr's house! Not on the runway! Worlds are colliding and The Bag Snob is getting upset!

We keep getting comments and emails asking where to buy fakes, which outlets sells the most "realistic" fakes, which ebay sellers sell real vs. fake, etc. and we have not responded simply because none of this is legitimate. We feel like we need to respond now because it is getting out of control. We do not condone buying fakes and we absolutely DO NOT recommend buying bags on ebay because it is hard to authenticate. The only place to buy bags is through authorized dealers. Net A Porter is the authorized online retailer for Chloe but Neiman Marcus, Saks Fifth Avenue and Bergdorf Goodman also carry it. These are the ONLY places you should go to buy Chloe. Do we need to remind you of the Sophisticated Spirit debacle? If you need more of a reason, here is a comment we just received:

"Oh no... my bag came... most hideous (Paddington) knockoff I have ever laid eyes on. Not to scare anyone who has ordered from ebay, but i wouldn't recommend it for the future. The photograph on ebay wasn't even legitimate (and obviously, neither was the seller). The bag is orange vinyl, the gold paint is chipping off the hardware and the 'serial number' is on a white price sticker. The seller has relocated to China."

We really hate to see unsuspecting shoppers buy a fake especially because if they are selling it as real, you are still paying a lot of money for it. And for those Chinatown shoppers, it doesn't matter how "real" your fake is, the main reason to have nice things is that they are.... well, nice. You know it's fake and how awkward is it to lie about your fake, or worse having to admit that it is a fake when you are caught!

Imagine going to a wedding and the bride walks down the aisle wearing this! And instead of a lovely bouquet, she is carrying a beer in a coozer, is completely drunk and has a Courtney Love hairdo. Then after her vows she promises lap dances to all the guests. I know Heather Graham is wearing this Diesel wedding gown for a store opening on Bond St and is getting paid a lot of money to supplement her acting income (and let's be honest and fair, she really needs it). I mean, it's pretty low rent to wear denim to a wedding but to wear it to your own wedding is like, like .... wait, I think I just described Tara Reid's dream wedding. My favorite part of this gown is the trap door down yonder, it is actually quite appropriate to point out where and how the rest of the evening will go after everyone leaves.

I really did try to find the fabulously dressed but the usuals like Halle Barry were wearing such boring black not-worth-mentioning dresses. But isn't it so much more fun pointing out the dreadfully styled?

Avril Lavigne in vintage Armani at the screening of Over the Hedge. Can you say, "Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, bettlejuice!"?

Now that you have the greatest bag in existence, is it important what goes in the bag? Well, of course! You can't exactly carry a Chanel 2.55 and pull out your nylon Velcro wallet from high school!!! (That would never happen, of course, because you never owned one, right?) We have received a lot of emails asking us about wallets, so here they are. These are not your run of the mill so go ahead and get the Prada nylon if you want, you just don't need us for that.

The Chloe C-Buckle wallet has everything you need on the inside, including zipper coin compartment. It will hold all the credit cards you need and has plenty of room for cash and receipts and other loose pieces of paper but does not have room for a check book (but who uses checks anymore?). $480 at Net-a-Porter.

We are totally in love with Lanvin lately. Alber Elbaz has created another gem with this London bag. The simple and tasteful structure is given a twist with cushiony leather and plexi chains, making it edgy yet maintaining its classic appeal. It is Steve McQueen cool and will be a well used bag in your collection. This snob worthy bag is a smart buy at $1195, available at Barney's New York.

Have you ever seen anything as cute as this? This wristlet with a satin handle is embellished with sequins and crystal teardrops. You will be the talk of the party with this bauble bag. This luxurious evening bag is from Filipino designer Bea Valdes who isn't shy about using sequins, crystals, semiprecious stones, chandelier drops and vintage feathers on her bags. These "babies" as she calls them have been officially adopted by The Bag Snob as well. She debuted her collection last summer. Available at Barney's New York for $2200.

This simple and elegant silver clutch from VBH really appeals to our newfound minimialist sensibilities. We are sick of crazy looking bags with dangling sagging nonsense. As our friend Stella Bennent would say, less is more. But don't think VBH skimps on quality, every bag is meticulously handcrafted by craftsmen in Italy. This little beauty is lined in grey suede with a silver numbered plaque for authenticity. We love that it is covered in silver glitter, it will shimmer in the summer moonlight and go with all your cute little summer frocks. $895 at Net A Porter.

What happens to designers who don't listen to the Bag Snob's well given advice? Their assistants with big (but not always bright) ambitions take over and do whatever the hell they please. In a plea to the formerly fabulous Michael Kors, the Bag Snob has decided to send him this letter:

Dearest Michael,
We warned you to pay attention to your design house instead of your television career and designer/socialite lifestyle but you didn't listen. Look what's happened to your bag collection since you've been gone! These are some of the most hideous bags we've seen all season! Why are you running around the country lunching with bored socialites who can't possibly have anything interesting to say or to inspire you with (except me and my friends, when we had lunch last year I was certain you were inspired by us but you were too busy kissing the ass of a certain notorious socialite/shoplifter). You are such a bitchy betty on Project Runway but if you submitted your own bag collection for judgment you would be booted off faster than you can say Episode 1. I know you love Jessica Simpson so perhaps this camouflage bag was inspired by her USO tour in Iraq but it's so ugly I doubt she would even carry it. And this suede patchwork mess, let me guess, left over scraps from your big suede hats a few seasons ago? You used to be so talented and driven Michael, but the fame has gotten to your head. What does your mother Joan think of this? Do we need to stage an intervention? Please, we beg you, start designing again and stop kissing socialite and B actress asses.
With love and former admiration, The Bag Snob

Demi Moore is going to play Coco Chanel in an upcoming movie about the designer's life including her younger days when she did a stint as a singer (Coco was her stage name, she was born Gabrielle). She would have been a fantastic lounge act but we're thankful she sucked or lost interest and decided to be a designer instead. We love Demi, she is ultra cool because Ashton is super cute. But will she do the legend justice? If her acting is still as rusty as it was in Charlie's Angel: Full Throttle, she will have to rely on the fact that she is a little mannish and can look spot on in Coco's signature suits. That is, if she can figure out how to handle wearing clothes in a movie.